The Emotions of Motherhood

Tonight as I watched my baby boy sleeping in his new big boy bed the night before he turns two, suddenly there was a lump in my throat and my eyes began to fill with tears. And I wondered- how did we get here so fast? It's so cliche I know, but I swear we just brought him home from the hospital yesterday. And I blinked and now he's turning two. And everyone always told me (well people still do) that it goes by so fast, so cherish it. I promise that I know it goes by fast. And I promise I'm cherishing every moment. But I also promise it is still flying by because one thing I do know, is that you just can't slow time down.

I don't even think I have the words to express the way this feels, but I'll give it a shot:

It's so hard, this watching your kid grow up thing. I honestly never knew I could love someone so much. Sometimes I feel like my heart may literally burst I feel so much love for him. And it only grows with each passing day. Watching him grow, change, and learn these past two years has been wonderful and fun and just plain joyous. His little personality is really beginning to shine. It's so amazing watching this little baby turn into a little person with his own opinions, ideas, and ways of doing things. Even in the midst of his little toddler attitude it's easy to see the kind of person he's becoming. He is kind and helpful. He's funny and silly, strong-willed and independent and has so much energy. And he's smart, too. He fills up our home and our lives with love, laughter, and joy. He's already taught us so much about patience, love, and living life to the fullest. Since becoming his parents we've learned about priorities and what really matters in life- making memories and spending time with the ones you love. It's just hard to remember life without him.

While I'm so happy he has the chance to grow up and experience life and (prayerfully) do great things for God, selfishly I want him to stay little forever. Because I'm not sure how many more times I can handle feeling that little squeeze on my heart when I think about him getting older. Starting school one day. Driving (eek!). Going to college. And (I can barely say it)....moving out, getting married, and having a family of his own. I know it'll be here in the blink of an eye. It's inevitable. It's part of life.

So I'll stare at him a little longer while he sleeps. Whisper prayers over him a little more often. Kiss his little face and tell him I love him a few more times each day. Thank God again for the gift of being this little guy's mommy. And work a little harder at cherishing each moment- even though I know it does nothing to slow down the speed at which life seems to be rushing by. And maybe one day I'll learn how to handle this watching your kid grow up thing. (And now I'm going to go have myself a good cry.)

Happy second birthday baby boy! May you always know how very much you are loved and cherished.

Xoxo