Y'all. I. Cannot. Deal.
My baby boy is almost TWO! I look at him and I wonder where in the world did the time go? Didn't we just bring him home from the hospital yesterday?!
I have to know- how do parents do this?! This whole watching your kid grow up thing. I have never known such a bittersweet feeling as the one I feel when I look at him and see the amazing little boy he is and think of the amazing little baby he used to be- yesterday!! Before Cason was born I promised myself that I would be good about cherishing each moment and not wasting time each day with things that don't matter but instead focus on the playing, the reading, the cuddling, and the making of the memories becauae it does go by fast. But then when I blinked and almost two years have gone by I have to stop and wonder: am I really making each moment count? Or have I gotten so swept up in life that I'm again consumed with "busyness" that causes me to focus on the less important things more than focusing on what truly matters?
As a working mom, it's hard to find balance. (Yes. I'm going there again. Can't help it. This is my life.) It's tough (or impossible?) working an 8-9 hour a day job and then coming home around 5:00 and trying to squeeze in several hours worth of other "work" (cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping, other errands/activities that are necessary) along with dinner, bath time, fun, and making memories with your family- all before bedtime rolls around. After having a baby, I think it's safe to say I'm about 1/3 as productive as I used to be before I became a mom. And for this type A girl, that's a big deal. I think I'm learning to live with the fact that for every two things I cross off my to-do list, I have to add four more because it just takes that long to get things done. Slowly but surely I'm coming around and learning to not let that bother me. Because I have one shot at this motherhood thing and I want to do it right. Because I don't want my son growing up thinking I don't pay attention to him because I'm too busy doing "things" that I think are necessary (like who cares if that basket of laundry doesn't get folded, or those dishes don't get loaded tonight, or that speck of dirt on the floor has to stay there for a few days?! Okay, most of the time I do. But I'm really working at trying to care less!) And I don't want Cason growing up and being unable to remember me taking time to do fun things like playing on the floor with him, reading books, playing in the yard, or just talking to him because I was so busy being "busy at home." And I don't want to look at him on his graduation day and say "I wish I would have." Sure I do all of those fun "making memories" things and I purpose to sit down and just focus on Cason each day but often I fear I don't do it enough. So here's to being more intentional about living in the moment and remembering my priorities. Because man did they change the minute I first laid eyes on that precious baby.
And to any other moms who who are on this same road of denial that your child is growing up all while trying to find "balance" before your child goes to college- take heart mama! You're doing a great job! We will find a balance between having time to accomplish all the menial tasks each day requires and participating in and cherishing all the small, but oh so precious moments in between.
I don't really know what this post is about (I think I started in one place and ended in another). I suppose it's about motherhood. That it's hard. And scary (terrifying even!). And exhausting. And confusing. But it's also fun. And exciting. And joyful. And challenging. And well.......it's just awesome. But will somebody please stop the clock so my baby can stay a baby just a while longer?!
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